My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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