i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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