She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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