i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize