FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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