Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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