Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
