She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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