So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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