it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i think i just lost a toe
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
