Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
