Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
