I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
