My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
