I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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