Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
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