did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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