apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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