don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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