Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
