So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
