Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
