I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
