I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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