i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
