Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
