Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
