Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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