there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You pole danced in your parka.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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