you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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