Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
