No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
