Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
