im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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