the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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