Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
