The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize