Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
