still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
