My liver just broke up with me...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
