So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
