Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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