dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
