I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
