i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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