I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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