Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
