She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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