Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
