i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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