Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
