ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
