sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
