I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
