a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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