Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Four minutes until I can fart!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
