i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize