im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
