Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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