Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
