The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
