ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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