all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
