On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
