i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
