he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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