The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize